Reviewaverse Saga Episode 7 (Part 2)

And so we come to the second part of the Episode 7 treatment. The reaction to this undertaking has been very positive; I'm just so glad people are reading and enjoying it. If you don't know what's going on, you should probably check out part one first.

No illustrations this time, I'm afraid. If someone were to volunteer, I would gladly add in their sketches, but I just don't have the time right now to do them myself.

REVIEWAVERSE SAGA EPISODE 7 - THE LAST HOPE
THE AUTHORIZED TREATMENT

PART TWO

We see two scuffed dress shoes stumbling more purposefully, now. Beeping chimes at a regular tempo.

"Thr-r-r-ree hundred meters."

"Please don't let this be another dead end."

* * *

Up on a nearby hill, Linkara is flat on his belly and surveying the landscape. He squints; the approaching man on the horizon has gotten closer; no doubt about it, he's coming towards Linkara's location! Linkara pulls out his gun, grits his teeth. Then he notices a tall shrubbery bush. A smile crosses his face.

* * *

Trenchie is panting when he reaches the top of the hill. "Five me-e-e-e-ters." After catching his breath for a moment, the Anti-Critic spots a coat and hat mounted on a makeshift cross made out of shrubbery branches; they are dusty with more than a few battle marks of their own, but the ensemble is unmistakably Linkara's.

He laughs bitterly and walks up to the marker.

"And so it goes, eh? We go out not like bulls and lions but like blasted lemmings."

"Si-i-i-ix met-t-t-ter-s-s."

Trenchie stops laughing and looks at the device, confused... then with dawning realization his eyes open.

"Two-o-o-o KTCHT-T-CH!" The machine finally gives out in a burst of distortion. Trenchie starts turning around when suddenly the barrel of a gun pokes into his face.

"Drop it, G.E.A.R. bastard!"

"I doubt there's much point in that." The device's screen displays broken code for a second and goes blank. "You can put that down, I'm one of the good guys. And by the way, you're an asshole for making me think you were dead."

Linkara digs the tip of the barrel deeper into Trenchie's cheek. "You're not in a good position to be talking like that."

"In a better position than you, by the looks of it. Where's your ship?"

"It's in orbit with the cannon pointed at your head."

Trenchie studies Linkara's face. "It's gone, isn't it." Linkara's face contorts in anger.

"What's your name?"

"I'm the Trenchcoat Anti-Critic!"

"...Is that some kind of joke?"

"Funny story, actually. See, I'm actually a historian of sorts-"

"Save it. You say you're one of the good guys. Say I believe you. Answer me this; if you're not G.E.A.R., how did you get a G.E.A.R. Box?"

"Who do you think they stole the things from to begin with? Well, the design at least." He indicates the device. "It's overheated; once it's cooled a bit, I'll show you the proof you need." He pats a pocket full of MiniDiscs.

Linkara loosens the pressure on the gun, then takes a step back. Trenchie rubs the his cheek where the barrel was pressed and says: "While we're waiting, what do you know about the Triad?"

* * *

For the first time in a long time Cinera is out of her armor, an expensive red dress in its place. Behind her is a pristine city, left untouched for the purposes of this evening.

She smiles into camera.

Her face is being broadcast live across every network across North America. This is a broadcast she'd be repeating in every language for the rest of the world soon enough, but the epicenter of geek lay here.

"Yesterday you were at war with your neighbors. Yesterday even parties in your own governments were pitted against each other over petty disputes. Today that ends. Today, we speak with one voice to all nations. One world, united through geekdom." She gestures grandly. "Citizens, I welcome you to paradise. Citizens, I welcome you to Neo-Nerdaria!"

When her arm comes down again, X-Seid is standing behind her in the distance.

The camera feed cuts out.

END OF PART TWO

There have been a lot of questions that have been raised and I'd like to take this opportunity to address some of them.

IS LUPA STILL GOING TO BE REVUER 3?

While i don't want to spoil what's going to happen, this needs to be addressed: Lupa did not survive her run-in with X-Seid. At the stage of production my version was written she was no longer attached to the series.

IN THE TIMELINE THAT THE REVIEWAVERSE SAGA IS SET, LINKARA DIDN'T HAVE HIS SHIP YET. IS THIS A FLUB?

Though Matt has made it known publicly the Reviewaverse Saga takes place in the early days of Channel Awesome, the timeline has never been established in the series itself. In other words, it's fair game. That was the assumption under which I was operating when writing the original outline upon which this is based; in making it more current the story possibilities were stronger.

WILL xxxxx MAKE AN APPEARANCE?

Likely not. Unlike previous episodes, 7 was not going to be cameo heavy. There was opportunity for brief cameos in the opening montage, but little in the body of the episode.

Reviewaverse Saga Episode 7 (Part 1)

Matt Burkett's Reviewaverse Saga, an ambitious love letter to everything geek created on his own dime, has come to an end after the sixth episode of a planned seven episode run. Though he has made public his original plans for the finale, that version will never see the light of day.

But that doesn't have to be the end of the story. That first vision wasn't the only conclusion to the series that was ever planned. There was also the version I wrote.

Despite appearances, what follows is not self-insertion fan-fiction.

What follows is instead is an adaptation of what I actually pitched to Matt Burkett as the seventh episode of 'Apollo Z. Hack: A Reviewaverse Saga'. For a time it had a good chance of being the official final episode to the series.

Let me back up a bit.

In the summer of 2011, a few months after Matt had made the decision to leave the series unfinished, internet personalities Linkara and Jew Wario (Lewis Lovhaug and Justin Carmical respectively) expressed interest in being involved and seeing the series completed. It was shortly after that Matt asked me to be involved.

He'd been impressed with the cameo I'd done for the sixth episode. The two of us had been talking about a collaboration since. It was at his insistence, not mine, that I be given a larger acting role.

(The genesis of my involvement.)

After the second or third variation of the story Matt had brainstormed, and after many discussions between the two of us on the subject, I got permission to try my hand. The idea was to create something which was strong enough that it would stand alone for those who weren't familiar with the series but also serve as a satisfying conclusion to the series to those who'd been invested in the series for its then 18 month run.

It does need to be said that this is an early version. There are plot holes and it rushes through several key events. I feel though that the people who've been with this series for the last two years deserve some kind of closure; at this point, for better or worse, this is as close to an official seventh episode as there is likely to ever be (Matt's new project, 'How I Spent My Doomsday', is an entirely new undertaking and is not connected in any way to AZH or the Reviewaverse).

I also ask your patience. This isn't a copy-paste job; I'm taking the time to flesh out and polish the story considerably. Given how long so many have waited I refuse to rush it, but I also have heavy commitments in the next few months. This will be released in parts to lessen the waiting time.

I dedicate it to every fan the series has ever had. And to Linkara and J-Dub, whose enthusiasm gave the series a second chance.

REVIEWAVERSE SAGA EPISODE 7 - THE LAST HOPE
THE AUTHORIZED TREATMENT

PART ONE

A corrupted stream of data flashes across the frame. Fragments of dialogue and flashes of images from past and current events. "...savior or destroyer..." "Nerdaria..." There's a sea of distorted faces. Other reviewers. The word 'DECEASED' appears under most. "...the Reviewaverse will fall." Images of wide-spread devastation. Apollo's face lingers briefly on the screen. 'UNKNOWN'.

Inter-cut with this we see two dusty and scuffed black dress shoes stumbling through a desert. Periodically a mini-disk falls into the sand amidst the rough Arizonian vegetation.

"There's got to be someone left." A male voice, rough from the desert air.

A female computer voice confirms; "No reviewers detected."

"Just give me a name."

"No reviewers detected."

The man stops and another mini-disk falls to the ground.

"Give me a name, damn it!"

Corrupted garbled speech.

The man sighs. He takes off his glasses and wipes dirt and sweat from his eyes. For the first time we see him; the Trenchcoat Anti-Critic. There's more than a little wear-and-tear in his trademark trenchcoat, and Trenchie's pockets are stuffed to overflowing with colorful information disks. The battered computer device in his hand crackles before going silent. He lets the hand drop to his side.

"So that's it then, they're all gone."

"Linkara."

"What?"

"Linkara."

High above in the Earth's atmosphere, Linkara's spaceship is crashing.

Warning lights flash in the smoking control panel. There's a loud "whoop" which repeats itself twice a second. Linkara flips a switch on the controls above his head, wincing slightly as it sends out a small shower of sparks down towards his head. A female voice chirps up from the computer system.

"Impact eminent. It's recommended you pull up, Linkara."

"What do you think I'm trying to do!?"

A lighted button above Linkara's head flickers and dies. He pounds it a couple times with his fist; it doesn't come back on.

He swears, then says; "Computer, prepare for evacuation teleportation procedure."

"Acknowledged. Preparing for-"

"Wait. Belay that order."

"Acknowledged."

Linkara frantically searches his person; it's missing!

"Computer, stand by for transport. In the meantime give me a countdown until impact."

"Acknowledged. Time to impact: 27 seconds... 26 seconds..."

Linkara races back to his quarters. He searches with urgency through the room, throwing books and trinkets onto the floor.

"13 seconds... 12 seconds..."

He spots what he's looking for under a bench. He dives for it, knocking his hat off on the seat portion now above him. As Linkara's hand closes on the morphing unit he all but forgets about the hat momentarily.

"5 seconds..."

Linkara jams the fedora on his crown with his free hand and yells. "Fucking energize!"

"Acknowledged."

Linkara is teleported out just in time, landing hard on the ground. He's far enough away for safety, but close enough for the crashing ship to be in full devastating view behind him.

"I wish I could've done better for you, old girl."

* * * *

In the sand is a damaged wearable tech device... Obscurus Lupa's Lupad. A hand gloved in red armor reaches down and picks it up. The hand's owner, Cinera in full Revuer 2 armor, holds it up for a better look.

"You're sure it was him?"

From behind her Ares steps out, alive and very nearly unscathed. A scorch mark on his arm is the only indication of his fight with Apollo.

"Unmistakably."

"So, he survived..."

"Your deductive reasoning astounds me."

Cinera crushes Lupa's communicator. "Still, that he crushed that little loose end says a great deal."

"If he could be turned, he'd make a powerful ally."

"Sarcasm doesn't become you, Ares." She bends down again to look at Lupa's backpack. After finding the zipper jammed, Cinera slices it open with a clawed finger. Electronics and wires spill out like the innards of a fallen beast. From these technological guts she draws out the third Revuer unit.

She holds it tenderly in her hands. "The undeserving have had their day, Ares. Their sun has set. What once fell is risen again."

"Talking like that doesn't make you sound smarter."

END OF PART ONE

The Anti-Critic Manifesto: The Flaw of Rating Systems

In a late night bout on Twitter I laid out over 21 posts the reasoning of why I call myself an Anti-Critic. I'm still looking for how best to cleanly put everything in words. Consider this a work in progress.

I take as self-evident that the viewing experience of any film is subjective.

Anything from mood to filmic knowledge effects how a movie is perceived. Expectation plays perhaps the biggest role. The woman suing the maker's of critically acclaimed 'Drive' is a perfect example.

Any rating system is a representation of a person's experience of a film. A rating effectively represents a person's emotional viewing experience as concrete mathematical data. This is fine if there is an accompanying context supplied, but these numbers are effectively meaningless on their own. What a 7/10 means to one person is entire different to another because in a very real way everyone is judging on a different scale and in the context of their own unique live experience. As such data collected and represented without context is fundamentally untrustworthy. Worse, rather than simply reflecting the mass trends of opinion and experience this can actually shape it. "You actually LIKED 'Transformer 2'?! What kind of idiot are you?" "What do you mean you hated 'Citizen Kane'? That's the greatest movie ever made!"

If objectivity can't be found through the collected opinions of the masses it must be found on the individual level, but in order to do that it must be acknowledged that all opinions are weighted equally. That a trained eye is judging a film on different criteria than that of an untrained eye, but that both are equally validity.

By extension the weighing of opinion is weighted with every person's opinion being exactly '1'; that is that the opinion of one person is valid exclusively to that person. Those opinions may resonate with many others, but they will never be exactly the same.

The furthest extension of the equal weight concept is that the later opinions of someone don't invalidate an earlier opinion.

The downside of this is a limitation of the reach and validity of a rating. That rating effectively only applies to the person giving the rating as it's a representation only of their own emotional viewing experience and will never translate perfectly to someone else's. So to reach a sort of universally valid 'truth', a new kind of approach needs to be employed. An approach that is unaffected by the personal opinion of the person using said approach. And it certainly is possible; to say "This movie sucks!" is very different than to say "I didn't like this movie!"*. Finding that approach was the goal of the TCAC undertaking.

And that, my friends, is why I'm called the Anti-Critic.

*For those curious, "This movie sucks!" ties in opinion into a judgement of quality where "I didn't like this movie!" is an acknowledgement of the person's subjective view point; it still allows for the seeming contradiction that said movie may well be the most finely crafted in history.

FORMSPRING: UNDER-RATED ACTOR

Another day, another post. I'm entertained! Are you? I hope so.

Oh, and the very prolific Joshua the Anarchist has a blog you should check out: http://joshuatheanarchist.blogspot.com/. He's been a big supporter of Trenchcoat projects, and none of the Formspring entries from this last week would be here without his questions.

JOSHUATHEANARCHIST asked: In your opinion, who's the most under-rated actor?

My first instinct would be Bruce Campbell.

Through Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness he became a massive cult icon. Since then, though, he’s been restricted to television, b-movies, and cameos. The problem with Campbell is that he’s neither starred in any truly good movies since Army nor has he, and here’s the big kicker, really stood out in the non-Ash roles he’s had. Voice acting excluded, I’ve never seen past BRUCE CAMPBELL in the role.

It really leads me to believe that I don’t want to see Bruce Campbell in more on-screen roles, I want to see Bruce Campbell as Ash as directed by Sam Raimi in more on-screen roles.

And I might’ve gone for Kristen Stewart for her underplayed role as Bella but despite massive amount of hate she’s received, it’s hard to call Kristen Stewart under-appreciated with the career she’s having.

Eh, screw it; These are the actors I want to see more of:
-Fred Ward because he’s basically Charles Bronson with a sense of humor.
-Paul Sorvino because he’s god-damned Paul Sorvino.
-Ted Raimi because it makes me smile just to look at him.
-Any actor who’s ever played ‘Q’ because whether Trek or Bond I can’t think of any actor in a ‘Q’ role ever being less than awesome.

FORMSPRING: SADDEST MOVIE?

Ever cry after waking up? Is that residual sadness from having left a happy place? Is it a little of your soul leaking out of your eyes? Or am I just grasping at straws here a bit?

Yeah, probably that last one.

Here's Josh again with the third of the four questions he asked.

JOSHUATHEANARCHIST asked - What movie made you cry the hardest?
I get emotionally invested in some of the weirdest films. Motion pictures that would be greeted with dismissal or scorn by the majority of my peers will sometimes tug at my heartstrings. 'Freddy Got Fingered' I can least account for.

Forget "You had me at 'Hello'.", I actually got a lump in my throat over "All I want to do is suck your cock!". Ironic, of course, because that particular scene was intended as mockery of those types of moments.

Hey, I didn't say I could explain it.

But as far as the most emotionally devastating, I’ll have to go with a documentary by the name of 'Dear Zachary: A Letter to a son About his Father'.

'Dear Zachary' is set up as a video account to the son about his father who was killed before Zachary was born. Here’s the kicker, though; the prime suspect in the murder is the man’s fiance. Worse still, the man’s parents are put in the position of having to keep a civil relationship with the woman who most likely killed their only son in order to have a presence in their grandchild’s life.

It’s a documentary with no pretense of objectivity; the film is by a childhood friend of the victim who used the process of making the film to work through his grief. Despite that, the final impression is one of optimism.

So yeah... my knees nearly buckled out from under me while watching this film.

Oh, and unlike 'Freddy Got Fingered', this is a film I'd actually recommend. Highly.

FORMSPRING: DREAM CROSSOVER?

Ladies and gentlemen, the continuing misappropriation of the Formspring medium as an excuse to write impromptu articles about subjects which already interest me! Trust me, it's not as pretentious as it sounds.

JOSHUATHEANARCHIST asked -
What is your dream crossover?

Crossovers are hard to do right even assuming the right intellectual properties. There have been some brilliant examples of successful crossovers to be sure, but it’s always a balancing act. So first let's look at three examples of crossovers which I consider to be successful and why they work.

CROSSOVER SUCCESS STORY #1 – FREDDY VS. JASON
Because of the significance of these respective franchises and their respective roles in 1980’s Slasher-Horror, it seems like a no-brainer to do a cross-over between these two characters, but this was a project that languished for over a decade in development hell. The biggest challenge, of course, was how in the holy f*ck do you get an undead mindless killing machine and a non-physical child killer together in the same movie... and make it feel like a natural addition to both series?!

The solution was quite eloquent: symmetry through fear imagery. Freddy’s afraid of fire, the writers figure, because he burned to death. Jason of water. After that they simply structured the film around three fights between Freddy and Jason (one in the dream realm, one with Freddy possessing someone, and the final with Freddy manifested in the real world). Suddenly they had a solid little movie that worked as a gloriously sleazy tribute to both franchises.

CROSSOVER SUCCESS STORY #2 – SEVEN-PER-CENT SOLUTION
Sigmund Freud meets Sherlock Holmes. The idea is so ludicrously awesome. It shouldn’t gel together, but it does. Again the question; how can these two seemingly contradictive powerhouses of deductive reasoning, one of criminology and one of the mind, be placed into the same world?

The crazy glue that joined these two was cocaine. The increasingly neurotic and paranoid master detective was addicted. Unlike today, Cocaine in the late 1800s was thought of as no more harmful than Asprin and there actually are references in the Doyle stories of Mr. Holmes indulging in the substance. For the purposes of the story Freud opposed the drug and comes to treat Holmes in the story.

And it wouldn’t be a proper Sherlock Holmes yarn without a mystery; that mystery becomes a part of the good doctor’s treatment.

As a side note; the author also has writing credits on Star Trek II and VI, considered the best of the film series and my personal favourites as well.

CROSSOVER SUCCESS STORY #3 – BATMAN: DEAD END
And finally a fan-made film from a few years ago which features a crossover between Batman and the Predator franchise (with touches of Alien thrown in for good measure). This time there’s little attempt to give story to bridge the two characters and franchises (Why are there Xenomorphs in Gotham? How did they get there?); the film just faces Batman against a Predator. This approach can only work in a short film, but it absolutely works.

Going into it further, Predators have been characterized as being a warlike race which respected the strength of a warrior above all else. Batman certainly fits that warrior bill, so I guess even in something like this there needs to be some kind of logical connection underlying the crossover.

The tone, the story, the worlds and continuities need to be able to mesh cleanly as well. The narrative after all needs to feel like the perfect balance between the two universes. David Suzuki and Jane Goodall would work more cleanly in a fictionalized story more cleanly for this reason than Tarzan and John Lennon.

But enough stalling; my ideal crossover would be Hannibal the Cannibal and Austin Powers!

...Well, it's better than 'Sherlock Holmes meets Jurassic Park'.

FORMSPRING: FAVORITE SPACE OPERA?

Hey all! Trenchie here again with something different. I'll be re-posting the better responses from my Formspring account here. The goal is to post a new response every couple of days. Let me know what you think!

JOSHUATHEANARCHIST asked - What's your favorite space opera?
That's a very narrow genre with not a lot of entries to draw from. Less than that even as I'd contest many of those labeled as such. Even Star Trek doesn't really fit until some of the later series. And the reverse is true of Star Wars' later-day Prequel Trilogy, which it could be argued are closer to Political Thrillers than Space Operas.

But even then, there's some excellent examples to be found. I'll freely admit to a soft spot for Titan A.E., and both Wrath of Kahn and Undiscovered Country are damn good movies by any standard.

In the end though, I'm going to have to come back to Star Wars. It's easy to forget in the current climate of Lucas-hate just how much the original film and the two which followed changed the cinematic game. The editing choice in New Hope to craft around the rhythm of the story rather than to match pace with the actors' performances is a style which still informs editing choices on modern spectacle pieces. The sound design by Ben Burtt pushed the idea that sound should be as important as the visuals (not the first and not the only, but absolutely among the movement's key players). John Williams' score set a precedent still followed today. The special effects and merchandising too changed their respective disciplines.

In a very real way modern American moviemaking as we recognize it started with Star Wars. Watching with an eye to all that, it's absolutely breathtaking to see the mastery of craft present in those films.

I can't honestly say the same about any other Space Opera.